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Hey all y’all,
Who else grew up in the church? And who else was taught that they were not worthy? If anything you were less than worthless…. I know that that is a belief I am still struggling to throw away. Years of believing that everything about myself was sinful, wrong, untrustworthy and, in some perspectives, evil. Being a woman is super fun in the church…
I saw a TikTok the other day and wish I could remember who’s it was. The message really stuck with me though. You know how we grew up on that message “do unto others as you’d have them do unto you”? Well what happens when we are also taught just how worthless and wrong we are, too?
I’m gonna let that sit for a minute.
If we don’t see ourselves as worth the effort why are we going to see others as worth more?
And, I know, it may seem paradoxical when you think about people pleasers. But this has been on my mind for days. I know I am a recovering people pleaser and did see others as more worthy than myself for everything. But if I really dig deep it was because if I didn’t take care of others there was some sort of punishment waiting in the wings. And, in a way, it was a way to take care of myself by making everyone else ok so that I could be ok.
It was almost never for the true meaning of that message. Kindness.
And kindness is a controversial topic, too. Is kindness being honest, even when it hurts, or is it about withholding important info so you don’t hurt someone.
For me kindness is telling hard truths when you are the person to be telling said hard truths. If you are close to someone and are allowed to speak into their lives.
And I want to treat everyone, myself included, with kindness at the appropriate levels. Do unto them what I want done unto me.
To do that though I also need to be kind to myself first and foremost.
I need to find myself worthy of care and consideration.
Because if I cannot see the need of self care and love how can I give that to someone else without resentment for what I am not getting. Or in manipulation to get what I am not getting by giving it to someone else.
This is, unexpectedly, tying into my last post. People pleasing is often unhealthy and manipulative. And may be the only way some can feel safe, I acknowledge that I have so much privilege to be working through this and taming my inner overly friendly octopus who also definitely has FOMO. So much FOMO…
To move out of pleasing others first, and for the wrong reasons, we really need to see our worthiness. It isn’t based on what we can produce, what we can achieve, or what we believe in. We are all worthy exactly how we are and where we are. We do not need to look outside ourselves for our validation. Self validation, self diagnosis, self discovery are all so valid.
Let us love ourselves more with each passing day so that we can treat others with more kindness each and every day.
I see you, and in case you need the reminder, you’re pretty great, keep being your awesome self.
You are worth it!
With all the love,
-R
P.S. Working on a new piece and really loving the strange but cute vibes I keep finding making plant monsters/critters. Lemme know what you think of the helicreepers so far!
