The Exhaustion of Peopling

Peopling is exhausting. Even with the people I know and love. Even with the people I’ve chosen as my found family.

This last couple weeks has felt like a lot, in this respect. It’s all I can do to not compare and belittle my feelings of overwhelm. Especially since I even enjoyed most of my peopling outings. But I’m tired y’all. I don’t want to do anything but read and game. So I’ll be brief.

With the research I’ve done into neurodivergent people I know that I’m not alone. But because I used to be much better at being ‘normal’ I get this sense that I’m just making it up or somehow I’m pretending even to myself. It can’t really be as bad as it feels, surely.

And that’s my inner critic, using my mom’s voice. Because there was always this chance that if I’d just power through, maybe it would be ok, maybe I’d enjoy myself. Just give it a little longer, you like this, or that.

And the worst part was the truth of it…sometimes. Because it can sometimes be true, always. But that doesn’t mean that you should lie to yourself and put yourself through the wringer just for that sometimes truth. It makes your truth in the thick of the slog feel less real, less important. It’s gaslighting yourself in the worst moments.

So let’s not do that, let’s allow ourselves to be who and what we are.

I know, easier said than done! I’m here rooting for you, take care of yourself 💜

PS. Some pics of the succulents my mom got me for Mother’s Day. Another close relative of ours is also child-free and has shared how the day can feel kinda weird so my mom got me something thoughtful to help combat that. We’ve had a complicated relationship over the years, better in my adulthood. But my inner child is still distrustful. This gift was something that I don’t quite have the words for what it meant to her. She really felt seen by a mom that, in childhood, didn’t seem to see her. My mom may have done a lot right raising us kids and still, unfortunately, missed the mark in some places. There is healing happening as I bring my inner child back into myself.