It Comes Back Around Again, I Hope
Anyone who has seen How I Met Your Mother has likely seen the episode(s) where the song I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by the Proclaimers comes back around, and around. I think the introductory episode was a road trip where that song is the only thing they have to listen to because the tape is stuck (among other things). They go through phases of singing along, absolute exhaustion/not listening...and reinvigorated singing along. This is often not far from my thoughts when I think of the seasons/cycles of life. And it gives me hope. Hope that the good seasons, the creativity, the gaming, the invigoration will all come back around.
I’ve been learning to let the seasons of life come...and go. As a recovering perfectionist and over-planner this has been sooooooo hard. I’ve always tried to be extremely organized, on top of things, always sticking perfectly (as I could) to goals/resolutions. But that isn’t fun, it doesn’t make life any more exciting to live. Honestly, it made life way less fun and way more stressful. Also, being so stressed about doing it “right” really edges you into the time scarcity vortex where nothing actually gets done.
Currently I’ve been in a slow, sometimes exhausted and sad season. I’m learning to reacquaint myself with healthy boundaries and set solid but flexible goals for myself...and yet EVERYthing is different now. Not in a really tangible way, it’s in that way that it’s literally all in my head, and some days things feel “normal” and others really not.
It’s not always easy to take the cycles as they come, and recently the cycles have been extremely noticeable and rather intense. Sometimes the scariest part of the season I’ve been in is that there is a very real chance that I could “fix it.” But I don’t want to “fix it,” I want to have my full self...and all the baggage and cycles of life that comes with. I want to stop ignoring/lying to myself and really live my life with hope that the good seasons will always come back around again.
I’m trying to take life WAY less seriously and I definitely recommend it...fair warning though, it’s not for the faint of heart. My life has been turned upside down...a lot. But I feel happier, even in the slower, sadder seasons.
—A Recovering Design Imposter