Happier

In childhood I found

Others expectations

Hopes, dreams, ideals

Given, expectantly, to me

They gave

Because it’s what they knew

And what they felt

Would send me on my way

On my way to living life

Just the way I should

And I followed, willingly

Feeling that their love

Meant everything they gave

Would faithfully serve

I placed myself in the cage

Of hopes, dreams, ideals

That were not mine

I happily accepted

As my own

They are not at fault

Nor am I to blame

We never meant to hurt

Yet, to be free

We should admit

I must be the one

To set myself free

There is no cage

Only me, myself

I must choose

To live my life

Just the way I want

***

I was thinking today about how I have been the one who imposes upon myself. No one else gets that job. Sure others have stepped in, especially in formative years, but I am an adult, dammit! I get to make the call on what goes and what stays in my life. Not my family, my friends, nor my religion. Though, I do love my friends and family and am grateful to them for their opinions. Religion has been a mixed bag, though, God and I are working on it.

I’ve realized that I am the one that has accepted and put myself in all the cages I’ve found myself in. Sometimes it didn’t feel like it and, really, it was never intentional. It always felt like the right thing to do. And maybe it was, for a time. But I have a terrible habit of staying somewhere that is “comfortable” rather than moving into a new season when it’s clearly necessary.

I’m trying to get out of my own way and let myself live a happier and more fulfilled life.

with <3

—A Recovering Design Imposter